As we ready ourselves for the surgery, I have decided the hardest part of this experience is realizing I am in this hospital because my husband is being treated for CANCER. It hits me like a boom. The first time it happened was as we drove into the parking garage of the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. The tears immediately come to my eyes and I wish I could bend over and let the sobs overwhelm me.
This cancer thing and it happening to Gil takes my breath away. How could Gil have cancer? He looks the same, he acts the same. He still can carry in big bags of groceries and plow and shovel snow. He can ride his bike for 30 miles. He talks and walks and smiles and laughs in all the same ways that I have known all these years. But, there is an invader inside his body that wants to make him sick, that wants to take him from me and our family and friends and church.
In the beginning the first words in my mind were,”I can’t believe this is happening!” Over and over, like a broken record. As soon as my head would say that, then the thought would come, “What is so hard to believe? People get cancer. “ It is a strange thing how emotion can dictate my thoughts, instead of reason.
Then I am reminded of some words from Lisa-that nothing is happening to him that has not been sifted through God’s loving hands.
Bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, good things happen to bad people, and good things happen to good people. Jesus said, ”In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."
When I take Gil to the hospital tomorrow for his surgery, I will keep reminding myself-God is with me, walking beside me, strengthening me, lifting me up, giving me courage. I am so grateful that I have the Word of God to remind me of His love.