But this was different. This was something I had to deal with. I was forced to look at my own mortality. I had to face the possibility of dying. I had to make a choice that was really trying to choose the lesser of two evils; surgery or hormonal treatment. But I was not given the choice to wait and see, or just do nothing.
At the time, it was as though it was all happening to someone else, but not me! At first, it was what I read and what other people told me about prostate cancer. Right after the Gleason 9 diagnosis, but before treatment, I was thinking that it would be a great time to write a song. It was sure to be a great one! I tried. I worked at it. I could only get two lines:
So, this is how it feels to be somewhere in-between
A trial that could take me out and the miracle I need.
I would drag out pencil and paper and write those same 23 words; nothing. I had them in the file of my flash drive that is called, "Songs in progress." As time went on I sort of gave up, and I had not really looked at those 23 words or anything in the file folder, for that matter, for the last several months.
And then one day recently I got a call that informed me my sister and her husband had experienced a catastrophic tragedy in their family. As I got off the phone with her, my heart was heavy with their grief and sorrow. I felt some of her pain. It put me in mind of the people who were affected by my episode with cancer. While what I dealt with was nothing compared to what her family was/is going through, I knew there were people who were really hit with my trauma.
I went back to that "Songs in progress" folder and looked at those words again. Then the rest began to come; to tell the truth, Ruby's Song is still a song in progress. Here is what I have so far. I'll explain what I still want to see the song do.
I NEED A MIRACLE ©2019g.bourquin
So
this is how it feels to be somewhere in between
A
trial that could take me out and the miracle I need.
I
trust God’s steadfast faithfulness, and I know He can provide—
A path
that leads me through this trial to the other side.
Refrain:But I need a miracle! I need the Lord to
undertake!
A
Divine Intervention, and my soul to extricate
From
the raging storms and angry waves
And
the fear that would o’erwhelm me.
Hear
my cry, hear my plea, I’m calling out to Thee.
I need
a miracle from You, I need a miracle.
No way
could I imagine just how hard the road could be!
The
pain is so incredible and it’s ‘way too hard for me!
Your
Word says that the darkest hour is just before the dawn,
And You’ll
fill me with hope and joy when the dark is gone.
Several years ago, the songwriter Robert Gay wrote a song, He's More Than Enough. I was thinking that sometimes we want a miracle, even though we might not know what one would look like. We just don't know what we want and need. But all the while we are looking, hoping, praying that something will give us help, hope, and strength, it is God who is our greatest miracle. That He would come to us in our deep pain and gross darkness is nothing short of a miracle. I think the song I wrote needs some sort of response to that truth.
Another miracle in our lives is the love other people have for us. There are people who really want to share our burdens and loads. The Bible says, "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."Galatians 6:2
Now, when I look at people's faces as they intently ask how I'm doing or think back to all the kindness we received during that time, I see so many miracles. Their caring and sharing is still amazing. There are still people who pray for me on a daily basis. I still have my sense of humor. I still like to eat blueberries; I hear they're good for a man's prostrate!
